• Nina

When You Feel You Don't Fit In Anymore

Updated: Jun 11, 2019

All of your life you were taught you need to adapt, to fit in, to behave, to follow a predetermined path like all people do. Go to school, get good grades, graduate from university, get a job, get married, have kids, buy a house, be happy. This is what they told you life looks like.

So you did all that. Got the good grades, the good jobs, worked your butt off, got salary increases, promotions, titles. Got married, maybe had kids, bought a house, a car, changed the car. Took vacations to recharge your batteries and got back to office refreshed and ready to roll, waiting for the next weekend, next paycheck, next holiday.

Years have passed and one day you have everything they've told you should have in order to live well. You can afford eveything you want but that doesn't excite you anymore. You escape to holidays in wonderful places where you don't want to come back from anymore. You feel life should be more than that - more than a 9-5 daily job, a monthly paycheck, 20 days of vacation per year and weekends. And working for somebody else's dream. What about your dream? In which drawer of your heart have you stored it and hidden it for years? What did the little girl you were wanted to become? What were her biggest dreams?

If you're a big fan of Friends - like yours trully - you surely remember that episode where Rachel realises that she's not what everybody told her she is. "You're a shoe, you're a shoe!" Maybe I don't wanna be a shoe. Maybe I wanna be a purse. Or a hat!". That is a decisive moment in your life. The moment you realise what you're not. And start discovering what you really are.

It all begins when you start feeling like you don't fit anymore. Not in your job, your office, your environment, your life anymore. And you ask yourself: "What the hack is wrong with me?" Nothing is wrong with you, my dear, believe me. Living in an invisible cage and trying to look free is not a happy life at all. I know how feeling trapped in your own life feels like. This is the start of your process of transformation - when the catterpillar turns into a butterfly.

It really doesn't matter if you're looking around and everybody else feels comfortable with their jobs and life in general - you don't have to be and feel the same and that's ok. Actually, you have no idea if they really are happy or just pretending to be - staying in a confort zone or hiding after a wall of prosperity and have-it-all life. Fortunatelly, we're not all the same, we're all different and happiness is subjective. What makes your friend or your colleague happy might not make you happy at all, it may have no relevance in your life. That is because you, me and every being on this planet is unique. There never was and never will be any other human being like you on the planet. With your exact physic, thoughts, feelings and talents. So don't ever waste your dreams and your days on this planet by living a life others told you you should live. Make your own rules. Can it be too late to try again? No, it never is. It might be uncomfortable, yes. But if you're determined to live on your teams, it's worth it.

So, what if this recipe for life that you were taugh is not in accordance with your deepest desires? If your gut tells you you should leave your comfort zone? Stop and start over? But how the hack do you do that?

First, accept that you are different, unique and get to know yourself. That no advice or recipe would fit you perfectly. Only you know what makes your heart sing and what happiness means for you. Start by asking yourself who you really are, what are your desires, what you would like your life to look like. Listen to your gut, to your heart and to messages that come from the Universe. Be open to desire more and to receive more. Make decisions that feel right for you.

Confession time:

Yes, I've felt different all my life. I've felt like not fitting in. And crazy at times, exactly like the girl on the right below.

I've tried a lot to fit in in different boxes that were not my size. It was painful. And it still is at some points. But I've realized I am able to built my own box (aka life). The size and the color I desire. I can paint it with whatever pencils, shapes, lights or shadows I desire.

Accepting your own path, not in accordance with others, is a process. There's a lot of work but it's so worth it. Embrace your desires, enjoy the ride and trust that the Universe will show you the right steps to your destination.

Second, get out of situations that doesn't feel ok for you anymore. Jobs, relationships, locations - if they're not right for you anymore, make a change. Nothing is forever. You do not have to stay in that lousy job waiting for the end of month pay. Does it motivate you and bring you joy? Perfect, then keep going. If not, leave. Search for another job, build a business, get some remote projects - whatever floats your boat. Just do something. Move, you are not a tree.The same for your relationships and so on - do they bring you joy? If not, maybe it's time to reevaluate. Despite of the general opinion, you are not tight to a job, a house, a country, a situation or a person. You can make changes in your life, wherever you are in life. It's never too early nor too late.

Third, stand up for yourself and what matters to you. As you start changing your priorities and your vision over life, people around you will either leave (so-called friends who were right beside you for reasons that are no longer there) or start wondering what happened to you - out of these there are 2 categories: the ones that will try to bring you back on the "correct path" (aka your old life or life according to their standards) and the ones who are open to understand and accept the new you. Usually, these are your closest people - family and great friends. It's your call to explain to them the reasons for your change and, if necessary, impose your opinion over theirs regarding your new life choices. They have known you as you were for years and now it can be a shock for them that out of a blue you've changed (actually, you just took out the veil and rediscovered the real you). Stand up for your beliefs and opinions - meaning do not let them detrail you or make you feel unsure of your new choices - but be kind to them. They surely want the best for you, just that they are not in your shoes and they see life through their glasses (aka experiences) and not yours.

And then there is another category of people - new people that you will attract in your life due to your new habits and beliefs. People on the same vibration as yours. These are people to keep in your life - they will help you reach the peak, inspire you and be there for you at every step.

Whatever step you decide to take, be sure it is in alignment with your true self. Listen to your heart, gut, feeling or however you feel to call it. Live the life as you want it. Remember, you only live once.

Now I'd be thrilled to hear from you. Do you feel stuck in your life, job, relationship? Are you unconfortable but have no idea where to start from? Do you need support from somebody who have been where you are right now? Drop me a line in the Comments below or write to me at nina.happyplace@gmail.com. Let's chat. Together we can make this work.

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